i've worked two retail jobs in my whole life. this current one at mexx and my last one a few years back at old navy. you can't even compare the two really. sure the two are different in income between non-commission vs commission but i'm talking clientele. here, currently, i have the older crowd -- im talkin' young professionals to straight up milfs and all in between (mostly europeans who like wearing weird shit - a la "manpris" and "murses"; masculine versions of their female counterparts).

the topic of interest today however, does not concern mere dollars and cents. the topic today kids, is flirting. im not even gonna get into sexual tensions between co-workers. we're gonna talk shoppers here. in the beginning, i admit, i used to flirt a lot with the customers - and why not?...we do have some nice looking females coming in. on several occassions, my co-workers jokingly ratted me out by expressing aloud to "stop flirting with the customers, jay!!". the end result of this are red-faced & red-neck/chested, smiling females -- who in the end usually do end up purchasing something from me - and who do end up coming back. but since i started roughly 10 months ago, my motivation to flirt with the customers has died down...at least voluntarily.

i still dont understand how me saying a simple "hi" is still able to get smirks and head-shakes not only from my co-workers but my managers just the same.

im not even doing anything, and yet im doing something.
i can't understand it. im not offended by the accusations of my state of sexuality or lack thereof, but shoot, why's everyone getting mad? i mean if it sells..then like my man malcolm x said, by any means necessary, right?


"by any means necessary, my brotha."

i gotta stress, im not even trying. today even, there was this italian girl, about my age with her girlfriend. i just happened to help them out because im obliged to. if i see you looking for new gear, i'm gonna go help you, not because i plan on bedding you, but because that's what im there to do. honestly. besides, it makes my shift go by faster. sure when you try on that top and that skirt i am giving you my opinion - not as a male...but as a consultant. yes, i do have a penis but you must believe me, when i give you my criticism, the wiring from my eyes, believe it or not, are for that moment temporarily disconnected from my penis; or at least i try to tell myself so. and you know what else??? those girls came on to me today! yes..they were coming on to me. is it my tan? is it my shaved head? is it the heat and humidity? maybe some kinda of energy i give off? charm, maybe? what's a guy to do? im just an innocent guy trying to make an honest dollar here. trying to pay my bills; trying to reserve a seat in school so i can feed my kids in the near future. that's all i am; that's all i'm trying to do. when i ask for your phone number and contacts, it's really for return purposes and corporate policy. sure, id like to call you up sometime and sure you can have my number on our company's business card, but that's against my personal principles. but then i think, that small talk and witty joking and smiling arent really all that necessary. then again, i assure you, she, and they of the past, provoke it all. im dead serious.

and dont even get me started about the sidewalk sale last week. i was manning the table in the mall's hallway and this desperate housewife touches my penis gland!

wow.

yes, you read that right, she came downward in a sweeping motion to touch a sweater on the table.

but did she really?

i was in a gasping shock when she brushed my johnson. my instant reaction to this surge of electricity that jolted through my loins up to my vocal chords was a quick "oh!". all she could say was sorry.

see what i go through?

i sell clothes, not sex.



[is that your love canal or a bull's nose?]

for one instant, let's say i was a female sales associate and some dude slips on a banana peel and inserts his finger into my love canal? then what? that's 5 years no probabtion, buddy. that's a misdemeanor! in my case though...i thought that was kinda cool. that doesn't make me some kinda perv, does it?



okay, maybe i am. but hey, she touched my frankfurter, i didnt pull it out and slap her in the forehead with it.

i'm just an innocent guy trying to make an honest dollar here...and i'm doing o.k.