and it's official now. i don't know the password anymore.

::12.9.03::
[8:43pm - still alive]
you are reading the words of a man who has not slept for 40 hours.

i kid you not - go ask my pillow.

why the madness?
here`s the check list prior to last thursday:
[ ] athletic injuries
[ ] human physiology II
[ ] skilled performance and motor learning

well with finals weighing in heavier than george foreman in a bigfoot monster truck, i kinda figured it`d be to my best benefit to just do things the way i do things.
in the past two days, i`ve learned quite a lot. breaka-down!:
-i have endurance.
this cannot be stressed too much. at one point i wanted to give up studying. i even lost morale at one point but hey, a couple slaps in the face, some motivational propaganda, a few prayers and i was right back on the train towards the last stop of redemption.
- i have good peoples.
to those who checked up on my mental and physical well-being here and there, well...thanks. i never forget things like that.
- university is some hard-ass shit.
6 tonnes of prunes couldn`t help you cope.
- i have character.
40 hours can build a lot of it.
- always smile.
laugh if it`s possible. but always smile, no matter what.
- i apply mine.
water. coffee. bananas. ginger tea. pepsi. [repeat]
water keeps you hydrated.
coffee keeps you awake but also makes you pee. coffee prevents the absorption of calcium into your body.
bananas have potassium. potassium facilitates the absorption of calcium. bananas are tasty.
ginger tea helps me focus. it might help you too. i really don`t care. then again, this might all just be psychosomatic.
pepsi. be young, have fun (see coffee).
- i have fooled my body.
i say "sleep". with a retarded face, it replies "huh?".
- there`s an irony here.
im supposedto be a health scientist. im supposed to be a kin major. you`d think that id be in good health or even fitness for that matter. in reality, i`ve dropped weight. the bony prominence on each side of my face, that i call cheeks, can testify to that. my eating habits suck, and isn`t it obvious that i really don`t think much of rest?
aside from all that, i got my moms all worried this semester. her buying me vitamins makes me wonder (by the way, dammit, theyre not flinstone! theyre old people`s vitamins).
- losing an eggtart bet sucks goat scrotum.
(looks like you get 6, cause there`s no way in hell that i got a B in both of them.)
- i feel sorry for the poor schmuck who has to spar with me.
last session i had, i almost had my shoulder popped out the joint. i really miss things like that.
- some kids have teddy bears; i have my lamp.
blue, clear, changeable in height..and hey, it`s furni from ikea. i take that bitch everywhere. the dinner table. my room....well..umm..yea, guess that`s everywhere.
- time sucks. clocks suck (i said CLOCKS). watches suck. throw them away.
- im super lean.
rectus abdominus, baby!
maybe it was the yoga. tai chi. maybe the fighting. naw, it`s really the caffine.
- the sympathetic nervous system is a mutha.
im almost certain that i almost went into shock last nite. almost certain. shivering...almost blacking out on the bus to skool...at times, the fetal position in a corner seemed ever-so promising and alluring.
- professor t. haas deserves to be shot out of cannon towards jupiter.
we have that kinda technology these days don`t we?
whether you take human physiology or basket weaving 1005, if you get tara haas, drop the course. save money, time, and effort. take your butt elsewhere and learn the crap or watch PBS.
she was most certainly out to get all of uson that one. i have about 400 other kinesiologists who can back me on that conviction.
- the world canstopspinning.
- chocolate chip cookies at 3am taste a lot better than they do in the day.
- alotted cheatsheets for a final exam are never a good omen for cumulative exams.
i really should post mine on here. it looks like a colony of ants on an 8x11 white-flavoured fruit roll-up.
that`s going in a frame so i can put it up on the mantle one day, sit my kids` kids on my lap, have my wife beside me, all the while while i share stories of the past with the whole clan.
im really considering it. for now, it`ll go right beside the space in my room where i plan to hang this one [fig 1.1].
- walking out of that final final, i felt like a lizard breaking out the shell.
[crunch]
- ive put some thought into it, when im done..and either during the time or after i do some travelling, imma take up the bass guitar. add that to the list.
- i have an obsession with keeping my colon clean.
that`s good though.
- motivation is a self-slap in the face.
it can also be postive words. it`s the pat on the back, the glare of your niece and nephew, the playlist on your winamp.
- i`m just a hop, skip and a jump away from the world being my oyster.
- there`s a feeling that i can`t explain.
it`s that post-exam feeling when the air is colder in your lungs, vision more crisp. it`s the spring in each stride, the volume of the world in your ear set just right. it`s that confidence as you walk thru the halls - feeling like you`re a gangster in one of those mafia flick starring robert de niro.
whether you`re in skool, working, have kids to take care or warm the sidewalk in the city panhandling, put some kinda value on what you do. you gotta. then again, that last group probably wouldn`t be reading this, now would they?

[sortie.]

happy holidays.
i`d say Merry Christmas but that`s not classic piscesean, and besides, that`snotpolitically correct now is it?...even though i am catholic.
here`s to victory in 2004.
cheers, kids.

if anyone needs me, ya`ll know how to get a hold of me.
imma take a break for awhile.

say my name 3 times.

you know the deal.

::12.7.03::
believe, asshole..believe[repeat].
one day...i hope i can look back at all of this..and just laugh it off. this is messed. no diggity.

and awww, i missed the old navy Christmas party. crap. no me there. oh well...twats.


::12.5.03::
9:45pm
subjects were put in experimental chambers that completely isolated them from their usual external environment. for the first few days, they were exposed to a 24 h rest-activity cycle in which the room lights were turned on and off at the same time each day. under these conditions, their sleep-wake cycles were 24 h long. then, all environmental time cues were eliminated, the individuals were allowed to control the light themselves. immediately, their sleep-wake patterns began to change. on the average, bedtime began about 30 min later each day and so did wake-up time. thus a sleep-wake cycle persisted in the complete absence of environmental cues, and such a rhythm is called a free-running rhythm.
-excerpt based on "circadian rhythm" taken from human physiology: the mechanisms of body function (textbook)

wow, it`s funny that we touch on that and it`s even more funny that im prepping for a final that touches that.
why?
cause that`s me! cept in my case, i dont need environmental cues to tell me when to and when not to sleep.
it`s all outta wack, already...regardless.

my name is jason. i am defined by the dark circles under my eyes and the broken blood vessels within them.


::12.4.03::
[first blood]
and im left with a bad aftertasteinmy mouth.

the lo-low:
50% final - today
60% final - monday
70% final - tuesday


God forbid that a varus force strikes you. God forbid it.

today was hard. but like my pops says, "life is hard...pass the ketchup".

funny thing is, i dont have it that hard, a friend `o` mine has 2 finals per day on monday and tuesday. and those include the onesim writing. so yea...there`s always someone out there who makes you feel pretty damn good about yourself. case and point.
excuse me, but imma go watch a telethon that serves the best interest of famished children in the underdevloped world(awww..poor taste in humour. forgive me, please....k dont. oh well).



having absolutely nothing to do with absolutely anything.