men are very visual creatures. women, please bear with us, for we know not what we do. the summoning "down south" and it`s localized swelling is uncontrollable.

smut (noun) - 1. a. a particle of dirt, b. A smudge made by soot, smoke, or dirt. ; 2.a. obscenity in speech or writing, b. pornography


other than being a subheading under the seven deadly sin of lust, smut ain`t that bad really. noone ever got stabbed or shot while watching porn. but then again, i guess alotta guys were too tired and/or sedated after jacking off to even think about picking up their ak-47, machete or slingshot to do harm any innocent bystanders. however, there may have been shots, mind you...just not gunshots, that`s all.

*disclaimer* well, i guess you can figure where this edition is going, so yea, exit now if you feel you`re gonna be offended or stay..and be offended. it`s really up to you.

oh, the memories.
a little reminiscing about my personal journey about the whole xxx experience. i remember the day fondly. i said fondly, not "fondlingly". ahh yes, it was way back in gr.7, mike da costa`s house one sunny afternoon. there were about 6 or 7 pubescent and pre-pubescent boys in our convoy. yep, some with hair in weird places, some with weird smells;but that`s aside from the fact. why we were there you might ask? i have no clue. i guess catholic elementary skools during lunchrecess ain`t allthat. but yea, back to the viewing. the tape might`ve been from mike pento`s dad`s stash or something (who knows..we all know those italian dads have huge, amazing archives). so we`re watching, a buncha young perverted boys...mouths open..laughing now and then...scarfing down some pizza pockets....porn music a`bumping full blast volume in mike`s kitchen.

everything was just fine and dandy...all till we heard the front door open.

who was it? mike`s dad of course (that dumbass). well, we all scrambled outta there and went back to skool faster than a 12year old boy reaches orgasm while looking at the bra section in a sears flyer. yeah, literally, we got up and left...porn still in the rca vhs player...volume to the max, while mike got the yelling of his life.
i look back with regret. that wasn`t the right thing to do.

i mean...really....i wanted to finish that tape, that asshole.
so yea, that`s my account of the whole deal.

as for me, 9 years later, i dont watch porn (that often)..well not on tape that is..im scared itll get stuck in our vcr. and as for the computer..not enough memory. as tempting as it is, i cant sacrifice music for porn. sorry hardcore fanatics, but some of my music is better than pussy on a triscuit. DELICIOUS!

we be clubbin`.
onto another branch of the industry, to exotic adult clubs. once i turned 19..and once every male turns "of age", wherever they may be, it`s usually standard that you go to a stripclub. the first two months were glorious...i`ve never seen anything like it. but as i went, the whole atmosphere lost its lustre. i mean, you can only win so many beer t-shirts, posters, and other "favors" till it becomes tired. as for the place, yes, that, along with raves, are truly my vision of what hellon earthis.but hey, i still go..for special occasions of course and to possibly see some handicapped perverts get their underwears torn into shredsby a dancer and/or a limbless man lie on his back with a five dollar bill in his mouth.

that`s all there is to say about that really. and to conclude, i leave you all with some "gentlemen`s club" tips:

1. if you`re asian, and you want a lapdance, go for an asian dancer.
- they`ll give you hookups, no doubt. i assure you all. there`s that unspoken trust there that differentiates you from the other pigs. but hey, that`s not to say you`re not a pig - you`re just an asian pig, that`s all. i have my own private dancer..more on that a little later.

2. chris rock doesn`t lie, there`s no sex in the champagne room.
- try something stupid,and you`ll find a 300lb black dude in a ribbed shirt, picking you up by your testicles and opening the door with your head, before tossing your ass onto the ashphalt. respect the girls.

3. if you think about it, there really is no "pervert`s row".
- it`s more of a "pervert`s room". everyone in there is a pervert. i mean you didn`t go to the locomotion tavern to conduct a bible study class.

4. girls, let your boys go to stripclubs. shoot, go with them if you want.
- nothing goes on in there really. well, not unless your significant other is a high class executive type with an armani suit. in that case, he`s bound to get a lot of attention. other than that, let him get it out of his system. better now, than when you`re married. trust me, it gets really tired after awhile.

5. once you can eat inside a stripclub while viewing the scenery, you are an offical pervert.
-i have not reached this point, and don`t plan on doing so. a ham sandwich and cristy canyon...well the two were just never intended to be mixed. sick fucks

6. DO NOT FUCKING SMOKE IN MY FACE.
- if you find yourself seated next to me, do not do this. you don`t wanna fuck with me unless you are a gay man. believe me.

and that`s that. take that with you for future frequenting.

[footnote] as for my private dancer, as promised, she`s responsible for scaring me outta the place. if you`ve noticed, i don`t go and haven`t gone to my preferred establishment for almost a year now. she did give me hookups and yes, she was good. you might wonder, "why didnt he go back then?"..well, to let you know, one nite, she took it a little too far with an average shmuck like me...also, she believes she knows me..somehow...or she believes we know the same circle of friends.
once that was verbally expressed, im sorry, i got really disgusted, really fast.
for those who are dancers or plan on being dancers, do not..DO NOT..do not take the anonymity out of the stripper-pervert relationship. do not do this, no matter what. no guy wants to ever even think about a distant cousin dancing...furthermore, dancing for you, the perv...a relative..and you...you..the perv. noone wants that. also, noone wants to know a friend who dances. well maybe some do, i can see the argument there..but would it be cool seeing some girl at a party and saying "hey i know you, you asked me to take your thong off right? yea that`s you!". uphold the standards of anonymity under all conditions.

jay`s 5: (asian) porn starlettes/centerfolds
in terms of "asian" mind you, since this is an asian-based community
1. kobe tai
(taiwaneese)
2. kira kener
(vietnamese)
3. tera patrick
(thai)
4. sung hi lee
(korean)
5. francine dee
(chinese-filipina)

whoa. professionals.

[endnote]
to all, there are to be no more dates with palmela and wristina.
hesitation leads to masturbation.