once every so often, i amuse myself and others by doing random impersonations, or at least what i believe are valid impersonations of many different personas. i do the broken english of filipinos, chinese, vietnamese, jamaicans, italians, portugese and middle eastern - all of which i don't think are racist at all. i mean if i do such impersonations (most of which involve pointless dialogue) in front of my friends or even strangers from these denominations and they laugh, then i feel that passes the racist test. not that that necessarily gives me the right to poke fun...but i do. and when i do, you best believe it is all in clean fun.

on the other hand, i do made up personas like the "look at my noodle" guy or the italian nona (granny) who likes lamborghinis...or even the HAHAHA-halal guy who works at popeyes. osama bin laden has even rolled off my tongue once or 9 times in the past.

today, after being in retirement for a few weeks, the dr. phil/nasaly caucasian male voice came back. one line led to another...and well...i even involved my friends. so starting here, from now on, i bring to you, a message from dr. phil.
it's much more surreal in person. you'll have to do your best to imagine dr. phil saying these things.

what are you thinking?!!!....it IS dr. phil saying these things.

what dr. phil might've said:
"looook at the siiiiize of my fingers. now imagine how big my penis is. look at the size of these fingers, ho-leee cow. i could punch you right out of your sanity".

"my wife has had my penis for 15 years now. she tellls me it's enormous."


"look at the mugs of these girls.
my penis has retreated back into my torso.
oh my gosh, i can't even smile right."

it's so much better in audio...but youre just gonna have to use your imagination. i swear.