"always calm under pressure
no need to act ill
listen when i tell you son
you gots to chill"
-epmd

those were wise words from the green eyed bandit - eric sermon from back in the days. he's right.


one of the compliments i like hearing most from others is how they admire my relaxed-and-laid-back-i'm-doing-my-own-thing-jack attitude. thank you.

take for instance today: my manager gives me my daily goal - $2000 worth of gear to sell for my 8 hour shift. not impossible, but very challenging. never one to give a shit about these stupid selling goals, i played it cool for not 1 but the first 3 hours of my shift, doing jack shit, talking to a coworker who, too, hates the job and is in dire straits as to when he's gonna quit and leave that whole bogus work environment. you cant blame us though; when shit gets sour, it gets sour.

so after 3 hours of standing at the entrance of the store and having my manager getting frustrated that im not making the company any bread, my coworker takes his hour lunch and im stuck with the newbies.

bunch of fucking asshole, shark motherfuckers.

all the while while i was fucking around and joking and enjoying myself, these monkeys are pressing every customer who comes in. i hate that shit. that kind of selling was never a tactic in my playbook. you get a "hi" from me and that's that. i never lie about how shit looks and if you don't like it, fine...get the fuck out of the store - youre cool, im cool, everything is kosher.

so getting back on track..these monkeys are trying their best to sell sell sell. a deep sigh comes along as i roll my eyes and think to myself, "fucking rookies". so after 3 hours, these guys sell a total of what?...300 each. here's where relaxed jay brings the shift to a slight simmer and gets into selling mode. you see, the first 3 hours of today is what i call a warm up. i crack my knuckles and do my thing. i approach. simple as a dimple...blah blah..a suggestion here and there..some trousers, some shirts...some socks..blah blah. smiles and chuckles. laughs and a little legwork - then bang; a $700 sale for one customer.

i don't fuck around. so to all you sharks out there - whatever youre selling, dont be a fucking monkey jumping your ass around to sell. dont be a monkey. be like me - and move sexy and graciously like a cheetah. it'll do your pockets much better and youll save more energy.

im one of those assholes who doesnt do shit and gets paid.
simple as a dimple.

job, you bore me and although i have bills to pay and knowledge to buy, i have overstayed my welcome.
fuck that. what am i saying?
i'm too good for this job. there, i said it.

i heard some of your are waiting on your police background checks....where the fuck is mine? it's been 3 weeks.
i need a new gig.